A Reflection

   I am currently sitting in my bed thinking about how in four days I will be starting my last year of high school. Which is absolutely mind blowing. I cannot believe how fast time flew by. So, I wanted to reflect on all the things that have gotten me to where I am right now. I honestly cannot wait for SENIOR YEAR! It will be a year filled with so many lasts that are leading up to thousands of firsts. So let's reflect...

   I'm pretty sure it was just yesterday that I walked into my kindergarten classroom and met some of the people that would still be my friends to this day. I remember all of the high school seniors that would come in throughout my elementary years for their internships. I always thought they were so old and I could never fathom being in their shoes. I honestly don't even know if I knew what it meant to be a senior in high school. But, I did know that they were older than me, so that made them cool!
   Then, in the blink of an eye, I started middle school. The whole summer before sixth grade I worried that I wouldn't know anyone in my classes, only to walk in to my English class on the first day to find that over half of the kids came from my elementary school. I met my best friend that year. Three years later I was a high schooler! I had finally made it to the big leagues. I honestly have no bad memories or anything in particular that sticks out from my freshman year. But, I do remember that I discovered my love for lectures that year. I also remember the awesome project on Princess Diana that I did that year. But, lemme tell ya... tenth grade was definitely one for the books.
   As I began my Sophomore year of high school I was Student Body Secretary, a Student Ambassador, and an "integral" part of my school's debate team. And then in January I was up and outta there! *PAUSE* For those of you that don't know, I moved from North Carolina to Virginia in January 2016 (the middle of my Sophomore year). *RESUME* The days before I moved were honestly some of my favorite of that school year. One day I spent the afternoon with my bff after she had just gotten her license and chatted over lunch. A few days later I went with two of my closest friends to go see The Force Awakens! And then, that night I went to a trampoline park with three other friends and then to Panera's where we cried while eating some incredible mac n cheese. Two months later I was doing my school work on my computer. The second semester of my sophomore year was a whirlwind, but, truthfully, I wouldn't want to have done it any other way. I took two honors courses online. This, as you can probably imagine, did not allow me to make many, wait let me fix that, ANY friends. But, what it did allow me to do is fix myself. I honestly don't know how to phrase that better. Since I had lived in the same place for 15 years, with the same people, I had a reputation. Not in a bad way, but that's the best word I have for it. My classmates were people that I had known since I was five, so it was extremely hard to change. For example, at the end of my time in North Carolina I got glasses. I came into school with them on and everyone looked at me like I was an alien. But the things that I really wanted to change were bigger and harder. I had bad acne, I was very insecure, and I pushed people away. These were the things that I was able to fix in my time at home for seven months. I started using Curology, which cleared up my skin and I was able to stop wearing makeup for the first time in over four years! And because of my now clear skin, my insecurities went away and I started letting people in.
   When I started my junior year at my new school, I was truly conflicted. I was obviously sad and nervous because I didn't know anyone and all of my friends were in a different state. But I was also a little happy, because I could start over. Nobody knew me here. I was able to be the real Lily. I could dress however I wanted without being looked at funny. I could walk into school with no makeup on and feel confident. And although that was, and still is, my favorite thing about being at a different school, it was not all glitter and sunshine. Junior year was the hardest year for me. Yes... I know... everyone says that junior year is the hardest. My academics were actually fine! It was my mental and emotional states.
   My first month at this new school wasn't terrible. I was getting back into the rhythm of school and all. But, in October my school had Homecoming week. I went to the dance, mainly because I had to, since I am in SCA (student government), but this was the first time I actually realized my friends wouldn't be there and I felt sick to my stomach. To anyone that has seen the pictures of me from that night... I am sorry! I look like I am about to throw up, pass out, and never wake up. Honestly, that's how I felt, too. On my way to the dance I was crying. I cried in the parking lot. I cried on my way into the building. It was rough. Anyway, as the fall semester went on, I wasn't really making any friends. I was always stressed out because I missed my friends in NC and because of that I was not excelling in a few of my classes. I wasn't totally bombing my classes but I wasn't doing great and I know it's because I was preoccupied. The beginning of 2017 was absolute torture. Winter is always a gloomy time by itself but, I wanted to be in NC more than anything in the world. I don't think I have ever cried as much as I did from January-March! I was so sad all the time. I cried myself to sleep most nights. I cried on my way to school.
   Then in March, one of the girls from SCA invited me to join her group for Ring Dance (Junior Prom). This definitely lifted my spirits. I went dress shopping with my mom and the day before the dance I got my nails done with the girls in the group. The dance was April 1 and Spring Break was the next week. I was actually happy.
   Then, this Summer my bff joined my family and I on a cruise. While she was here, I spent 10 days talking with her about people at my old school, college, and literally everything. I loved every single thing about it! And it also made me realize that I was happy where I was. Because if I hadn't moved then who knows what would be different! I would probably still be friends with people who were bad for me and I may not be close with people who mean so much to me.
    This Summer was also kind of strange because I was doing so many things for the second time. I was working as a camp counselor again, I was doing things with SCA again, and the other day I went up to my school to purchase my parking decal again. All three of these things were events that happened last year, but last year it was my first time doing it. And this year I was cool, calm, and collected about it all. It really is the little things folks!
   I really do feel so comfortable and confident about what is to come of this upcoming school year. I am applying to colleges, thinking about the past 12 years and, coincidentally, listening to Thomas Rhett's new song "Life Changes"... which you all should check out!!
  I really didn't intend on writing an essay... but it happened and if you read to this point then THANK YOU <3 Everything that has happened in my life has happened for a reason. The past year has been rough but I wouldn't trade it for the world. It has made me more appreciative, accepting, and open-minded. And thank you to everyone who has encouraged me and supported me.

xoxo, lily :)